Over the years, I’ve sat in circles with high school students who seem to have it all together. Then one asked, “Why do I feel like this even though everything’s fine?” Sometimes what a student is carrying isn’t visible. We often discover what’s underneath the surface only when someone creates space for an honest conversation. That’s where small groups can play an important role—helping students talk about what they’re experiencing and reminding them that God cares.
Sometimes what a student is carrying isn’t visible. We often discover what’s underneath the surface only when someone creates space for an honest conversation.
What We Think We Know vs. What Students Are Experiencing
Recently, I conducted surveys with 150 parents, middle schoolers, and high schoolers. Anxiety was a consistent concern. Parents identified it as a top concern, while high school students ranked anxiety alongside academic pressure.
There was another interesting difference. Parents frequently pointed to social media as a major source of stress. Students were more likely to identify academics, self-esteem, and thoughts about the future.
That doesn’t necessarily mean parents are wrong or students are right. It may simply remind us that we can’t always know what someone is carrying until we ask.
Another finding stood out: 43.5% of high school students said they weren’t comfortable talking to an adult about their mental health.
Maybe students aren’t unwilling to talk. Maybe they’re waiting for a space where they feel safe enough to start.
We Don’t Have to Have All the Answers
Small groups aren’t therapy sessions, and youth leaders aren’t expected to have every answer. But they can be places where students experience something important: being heard.
Sometimes the most helpful thing a leader can do isn’t offer advice, quote a verse, or solve the problem. It’s to ask a thoughtful question and stay present long enough to hear the answer.
Scripture is filled with people bringing fear, grief, anger, doubt, and exhaustion honestly before God. Faith doesn’t require pretending everything is okay.
Bringing difficult emotions to God isn’t a failure of faith. Sometimes, honesty is an expression of faith.
Sometimes the most helpful thing a leader can do isn’t offer advice, quote a verse, or solve the problem. It’s to ask a thoughtful question and stay present long enough to hear the answer.
Three Questions to Open the Conversation
1. “What’s one thing adults might misunderstand about your stress?”
This gives students an opportunity to explain their experience rather than simply identify how they feel. It may reveal the difference between what adults assume and what students are actually experiencing.
Facilitation tip: Allow some silence. You don’t need to turn every response into a spiritual lesson. Sometimes listening is the ministry.
2. “When do you feel most okay, even on a hard day?”
Not every conversation has to begin with what’s wrong. This question helps students identify people, places, and activities that help them feel grounded—maybe a friend, sport, music, being outside, prayer, worship, or time alone.
God can meet us through prayer and Scripture, but also through relationships, rest, wise support, therapy, creativity, and ordinary moments of care.
Facilitation tip: Resist the urge to turn every answer into a lesson. Simply being curious communicates that their experience matters.
3. “Who’s the person you’d actually go to first?”
This gently opens the door to conversations about trust and support. For some students, the answer might be a trusted person. For others, no one may immediately come to mind.
That answer matters. Christianity was never meant to be lived entirely alone. We need people who can listen, encourage us, pray with us, and help us recognize when we need additional support.
Facilitation tip: If a student says “no one,” don’t solve it in front of the group. Thank them for being honest and consider following up individually.
Make Room for What’s Beneath the Surface Students who appear to be doing well may still be carrying difficult things beneath the surface.
Maybe they’re looking for people willing to listen without judgment and make room for a real conversation.
We don’t have to read the room by who looks distressed. We can ask better questions. We can listen a little longer. We can remind students that their emotions don’t make them a disappointment to God and that asking for help isn’t a failure of faith.
We can create spaces where students are known, supported, and reminded that whatever they’re carrying, they don’t have to carry it alone.
Want to join in on the survey?
Parent Survey: https://forms.gle/G1fj1mMgfVneuCik7
MS Survey: https://forms.gle/fmBKJBAD33fSeG4p6
HS Survey: https://forms.gle/V1gtHDEeF3teuAsE7
